My new sex toys arrived in the mail a couple of weeks ago and as I tentatively opened the packages, I hoped I had made the right decision. For me, shopping money is very limited and it always pisses me off beyond belief when I order something that turns out to be a dud. Over the last few years, I have amassed quite a collection…one worthy of a full size toy chest if I were to store them all together. So when it comes to picking out toys, the wrong ones and the right ones, I definitely have the experience behind me to make wiser decisions than when I was first starting out.
So, because I am such a nice person, I thought I’d put together a list of things every girl (and guy) should consider when buying a new toy:
Price — You have to make sure you know what you’re looking for before you ever venture into a store, or onto a site. Now, I know you won’t have a particular product in mind, but ask yourself this question, “Am I looking for something to use everyday, every week, or just on special occasions?” The answer to that question that indicative of how much you should expect to spend.
If you just want something to ‘try out’ or use for one night of kink, don’t waste a lot of money on it. Chances are, you can find a cheap version of whatever it is somewhere online…but if it’s not going to be used that often, you really don’t have to worry too much about the quality of it. Cheap is fine. Most likely, the thrill will come from the psychological aspect of using the toy…not the physical sensations it gives.
If it’s a toy you plan to use weekly, like with a partner, I’d go for the upgrade…but not for the top of the line model. However, if you are not in a relationship, are in a long distance relationship, or are a chronic masturbator (which I could probably head up the support group on that one), go for quality. Otherwise, you’re just going to spend more money in the long run because you’re gonna break it, wear it out, or get tired of it. You get what you pay for and quality sex toys are rarely cheap. Although, I do luck up sometimes with a discount coupon or something manufactured by a company still trying to make a name for itself. If you are lucky enough to encounter any of these bargains, jump on them. Just because you’ve never heard of the company doesn’t mean the product won’t be quality. Actually, Doc Johnson, one of the most famous sex toy manufacturers puts out a lot of toys of questionable quality. Just check out what you’re getting first and you should be fine.
Function — In order to get a product, whether cheap or expensive, that does what you want it to do for you, you have to ask yourself, “What gets me off?” The vague terms, clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, g-spot stimulation will be terms you find plastered on nearly all toys. Taking their word for it will most likely end with you laying in your bed frustrated that it isn’t working and eventually getting tired and throwing whatever you’re playing with across the room only to fall back on your fingers or an old reliable toy.
If vibration does it for you, there is something you should take into consideration. Anything wrapped with a jelly sleeve (or any other soft covering) is going to be lacking in the vibration department. No matter how powerful the vibrator inside is, the vibrations just don’t travel through soft matter easily. If you want something heavy on vibration, you need a toy made of hard plastic or metal.
If you want something that stimulates the g-spot, you first have to know exactly where yours is located (and it differs in depth from woman to woman). You also need to know what kind of stimulation you need. Some women prefer a gentle rubbing type stimulation, whereas others prefer thumping or tapping. And for some, it is as simple as steady hard pressure. Know what feels good to your body before tackling the sex toy store.
Size — Yeah, I said it. Size matters. Just probably not in the way most men seem to think it does. Granted there are some size queens out there, but most of us couldn’t accommodate more than 7 inches comfortably anyway…so what’s the point?
For some reason, the manufacturing companies have decided that if it doesn’t vibrate, thrust, gyrate or sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” that in order to sell it must be the size of a tanker truck. But they couldn’t be more wrong. Unless it’s a double header, there is no reason to have so many foot long dildos on the market.
And what’s up with all of them having bulbous heads the size of a softball? I don’t know about anyone else, but just because my body was designed to push out a child doesn’t mean I want to experience myself being stretched out like that just for the hell of it!
With the anal stuff…be careful. I have fallen prey to this more times than one by buying over the internet. If you just want a little backdoor teasing, make sure you get specific measurements of the plug/vibe before you get it. Most of these seem to be made for porn stars and gay men who are used to having something large up their ass. But, if it’s not something you do often, go for a smaller model. I promise, it will feel three times as big once inside you.
Cleaning and Storage — I have to say that these are things I never really thought about for a long time. I guess I had been buying sex toys for about three or four years before I even thought to check out the cleaning/storage instructions on the box before purchase. But this can be a very time consuming and expensive part of the ordeal. Trust me, wait until you have to pay twelve dollars for a special cleaning solution for a toy that’s not that great…it finds the bottom of the box (no pun intended unfortunately) very quickly.
Hard plastic, metal and glass toys can all be cleaned with warm soapy water. They don’t really have to be wrapped up or stored in any special way. They’re easy…and, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, my preference.
Jelly coated toys fall into different categories depending on how porous they are. But some take special cleaners. Some require boiling water. And all of them should be wrapped in clear plastic wrap before storing. And every piece of lint or dust will stick to them. Think about where it’s going…do you really want dust inside you? Kinda gives new meaning to the “it’s been so long I’m growing cobwebs” saying, doesn’t it?
Then there are the cyberskin toys…just avoid these at all costs. I believe Hustler or Penthouse puts them out. But these things are a dandy. Sure, they feel as close to real as any toy I’ve ever used, but it’s not worth the pain in the ass of cleaning them. In order to clean them, you first use warm soapy water (and they only come clean if you jump out of bed and get them to the sink while the stuff you’re trying to wash off is still wet). Then, you have to set up a system of some sort where you suspend them to let them airdry. But none of the cyberskin material can be touching anything or it leaves weird permanent indentures and slick spots. After they’re dry, you have to sprinkle them with talcum powder to keep the ‘skin’ from getting all sticky and nasty feeling. They’re a real pain in the ass and I would say just avoid them altogether.